Monday, August 29, 2005


Supreme Court nominee Roberts remarks "I like what you've done with the place" while commenting on Senator Leahy's choice to decorate his office with his hunting trophies in life-like poses.

"This thing get SportCenter?"

In response to questions about his obvious ethical violations Bob Taft pioneers the controversial "You talkin' to me?" defense.

After a long pause the Colonel remarked "Dude, I totally just spaced. What were we talking about?"

"And then you just keep strokin' the horse 'til the white stuff comes out."

President Bush was disappointed to discover that despite his weeks of meditation and the support of the crowd, he was still unable to levitate.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

More Captions

"No, seriously Dr. Greenspan, that's our plan for Social Security."

This picture of the missing files was taken before they made a daring escape by overpowering their female guard and taking her gun. Citizens are urged to stay away from any information if they see it, and to notify the proper authorities.

Sidy Mohamed Ould Boubacar can hardly contain his excitement when informed that he had been appointed Prime Minister of Mauritania.

“The trick is to squint. That way you look like Clint Eastwood.”

Wednesday, August 17, 2005


So now that TheDubester has shown the way to circumvent “that may come up as a case before the court” dodge, here are some potential questions for Roberts:

Which is more of a threat to society: A boss who sexually harasses his underlings or an abortion provider?

Do you believe that abortion doctors are more of a threat to society then Richard Reed, the Shoe Bomber? No, not all terrorists, just him: The guy who borrowed a match to light his shoe.

What is more alarming to you, the rate of abortions in this country or the repeal of the assault weapons ban?

Is stem cell research more dangerous then medical marijuana?

Is stem cell research more of a threat to our society then Global Warming?

Is preventing prisoner abuse in Guantanamo Bay more important then protecting unborn fetuses?

I don’t think I can top that last one. Think of your own. The key is to make it something that couldn’t come before the court, like comparisons of (radically different) stuff. TheDubester used the example “Is the First amendment more important then the Second amendment?” How could that possibly come before the court or prejudice any decision that possibly could come before the court? Despite its inherent meaninglessness, any response will generate good rhetorical sound bites.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Taking care of some norbizness

In his parting remarks to Iraqi Prime Minister Ibrahim Jaafari, Secretary Rumsfeld compares the insurgency to a stubborn case of constipation.

Often accused of ignoring the media, President Bush just can't see them down there.

While Mr. Cheney certainly smelt it, only General Myers was sure who dealt it.

After cracking a joke about the Air Force, Adm. Edmund P. Giambastiani, left, goes for the high five without realizing who was standing behind him.

Barbara is uneasy about George’s controversial plan to save social security by “Throwing momma from the train”

Saturday, August 13, 2005


In a fit of complete boredom I found myself watching "Something's Gotta Give" on HBO. My boredom was not alleviated apparently, as my mind began to idly wander until I started wondering what ever became of Sifl and Olly.

I only knew one guy who liked the show other then me. I looked them up on Wikipedia and it turns out that the guy who did Olly also did "The United States of Whatever", possily the funniest minute ever composed. I laughed more just thinking about that song then I had during the entire movie. When I clicked the link for the song I was confronted with this wiki-statement:

This article about a musical group, band, singer, musician, album, or song does not make it clear whether the subject meets the WikiProject Music criteria for importance. For guidelines see the WikiProject Music Notability and Music guidelines. If you have the relevant information, please expand the article to include it.
Needless to say, a response was necessary.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Some brief answers

I'm not myopic.

The reason that people, and especially women, rate attractiveness as more important in 1989 then in 1939 is that in 1939 "attractive" meant "cute face". In 1989 "attractive" meant "no fatties". In other words, the reason Americans rate attractiveness as more important is because we are uglier.