Bizarro World Hillary

In the interests of humanity I have risked existence by bending the laws of Jewish Physics in order to peer into a nearby dimension where Democrats have evolved passed gelatinous masses of tissue into creatures with backbones and strong message control. These exotic alien creatures have been dubbed Bizarro-World Democrats. From Inside Bizarro Politics, May 26, 2005:

WOODRUFF: Many political observers say they believe Hillary Rodham Clinton has tacked to the center since becoming a senator. But our new poll shows that 54 percent of Americans would peg Senator Clinton as a liberal. 30 percent say they see her as a moderate.

During our interview today, I asked Senator Clinton about efforts to moderate her party's stand on abortion, and she insisted Democrats no longer need to be on the defensive on that issue.

CLINTON: I think that our goal as Democrats is to preserve people’s ability to make decisions for themselves, especially over their own body. This is why we have to oppose government interference in our most private decisions, especially concerning our bodies. You know, it’s why we had to oppose policies like the interference in the Terry Schiavo case.

WOODRUFF: Similarly, on the question of gay rights, aren't Democrats always going to be on the defensive? You now have 11 states that ban gay marriage. Should Democrats think about changing their position?

CLINTON: Well, Democrats believe that diversity is a large part of what makes this country great, and we seek to encourage that diversity. Sometimes I’m not sure the Republicans see it that way. How could the Democrats fail to protect this vital part of America when it’s under attack?

WOODRUFF: But Senator, how are the Republicans attacking when gay marriage is not already legal? Aren’t Democrats on the attack by suggesting a new idea?

CLINTON: Well, some people may think like that, Judy, but the fact is the Republicans are constantly trying to take away the rights that created our diverse society. Their intervention into the Terry Schiavo case was only the most recent example.

WOODRUFF: A lot of people give -- more broadly -- the Republicans credit for giving a narrative that they can say in just a few sentences. And criticize the Democrats for so often sounding like a string of policy statements from different interest groups. What, to you, in just two or three sentences, should be the narrative for the Democratic party?

CLINTON: Well, the Democrats want to provide families with the resources they need to succeed, like retirement security, education and healthcare. Democrats believe diversity of ideas is what made this country great and we want to protect that diversity. Most importantly Democrats stand against corporate corruption such as the scandals with Worldcom and Enron.

WOODRUFF: Three other quick things. 2006, you're running for re-election?...

Commentary:

For the next seventeen months the following equation will hold true:

Conservative social issues = Choice (or Control) over one’s own body = Terry Schiavo

Unlike my first encounter with Bizarro World Democrats, here the topic was social rather then fiscal issues. The case for how men making out with each other will make our country stronger is about as complex as the case for why giving money to rich people will help our country. That’s why abstraction is so important in the debate for the respective issues on the respective sides. If the individual details of the Bush tax cuts were discussed, it would probably be a losing issue, but since all the nasty give-aways to the rich are hidden under the ambiguous and abstract cover of improving economic growth [Don’t you see, the recession would have been worse if we didn’t cut taxes!], they succeed. In truth there is probably a stronger link between cultural tolerance and economic success then low taxes and economic success.

The italicized paragraph illustrates what happens should the press try to call the copious amounts of BS that is being shoveled. First, undermine the comment’s (and it is a comment) importance, possibly by saying “Well, Judy, the important thing really is…” or attributing the comments to a nebulous entity like “some” or an entity with questionable motives like “naysayers”, then repeat the relevant 1/3 of the elevator pitch.

For comparison, this is how the exchange was experienced on this plane of existence:

WOODRUFF: Many political observers say they believe Hillary Rodham Clinton has tacked to the center since becoming a senator. But our new poll shows that 54 percent of Americans would peg Senator Clinton as a liberal. 30 percent say they see her as a moderate.

During our interview today, I asked Senator Clinton about efforts to moderate her party's stand on abortion, and she insisted Democrats no longer need to be on the defensive on that issue.

(BEGIN VIDEOTAPE)

CLINTON: I think our goal is to reduce, as low as possible, the number of unwanted pregnancies, to try to help young women and young men make responsible decisions, to be there with adoption as an alternative for young women who do proceed with their pregnancy, to talk sensibly about providing emergency contraception after a woman's been raped. You know, I think that on the overriding goal of whether or not we want to criminalize abortion, criminalize women, criminalize their doctors, a vast majority of Americans say no.

But I think there is a very strong feeling that we should work together to try to create better conditions to reduce abortions. And I would just add that during the Clinton administration, abortions went down. And they've gone back up under the Bush administration. So clearly, what is being done by the current policies are not necessarily working.

WOODRUFF: Similarly, on the question of gay rights, aren't Democrats always going to be on the defensive? You now have 11 states that ban gay marriage. Should Democrats think about changing their position?

CLINTON: Well, I don't know many Democrats who support gay marriage. In fact, I don't and haven't for, you know, years before I became a senator. But I support giving people the right to enter into recognized relationships, that whether you call him civil unions or domestic partnerships, enable them to own property, to have hospital visitation. To me, that's a human rights issue.

Maybe I have just known more people than some of my colleagues, have because I've been blessed to know thousands of thousands of wonderful, patriotic, decent Americans, some of whom have committed relationships to their partners and who have suffered because when one was sick, they couldn't have that person by their bedside. I don't think that's right.

So, we basically have a lot of ‘on one hand, but on the other’ from Clinton on this. Normally she is quite good, like in the first half of the interview, but here the disunity and uncertainty of her party leave her in a compromised position. Naturally Woodruff nails Clinton with the punchline, ‘winning’ the exchange:

WOODRUFF: A lot of people give -- more broadly -- the Republicans credit for giving a narrative that they can say in just a few sentences. And criticize the Democrats for so often sounding like a string of policy statements from different interest groups. What, to you, in just two or three sentences, should be the narrative for the Democratic party?

CLINTON: Well, the Democratic party is responsible for most of the progress of the 20th century. It is the Democratic party that fought and stood for democracy and freedom. It is the Democratic party that created the ladders of opportunity that enabled millions of people to lift themselves into the middle class and fulfill their God- given potential. And it is the Democratic party that battered down the obstacles that stood in the way of women and minorities and others, having the opportunity to fully participate in American life.

And I think that if you really look at narrative of the 20th century, we're on the side of the continuing progress on behalf of the American people, and of America's leadership in an effective way at home and around the world. And the Republicans' narrative is really one that wants to turn the clock back. I think our narrative is better. We may not have done as good a job, perhaps, in communicating it and connecting with people, but that doesn't change the facts of what we stand for.

WOODRUFF: Three other quick things. 2006, you're running for re-election?...